Depression and loneliness inevitably result from focusing on what is wrong with our lives. If we always complain about our job, it will definitely lead to dissatisfaction. If we constantly criticise our partner, it is guaranteed to cause frustration. The problem is that we give too much attention to the negatives. Although we do not need to be artificially happy and optimistic about life, we do need to maintain a realistic view. For most of us, this means acknowledging that there is a lot more that is right with our lives than that is wrong.
When we dwell on something negative, we tend to exaggerate its importance. We expand the issue in our minds, and conclude that we cannot possibly be happy until it is solved. For example, suppose we are single and wish we had a partner. If we dwell on this continuously, we will quickly feel lonely and depressed. Furthermore, we will believe that things cannot possibly improve until we find a partner. Such thinking is plainly nonsense. In the first place, we probably have a huge number of things in our life to be happy about already. In the second place, even if our life genuinely is miserable, there are many different sources of joy that could cheer us up. It is foolish to limit ourselves into believing that one specific condition is necessary for our happiness. This causes us to ignore all kinds of opportunities. Focusing on the positive things in life helps combat this limited thinking and is thus guaranteed to improve our outlook.
This idea is best expressed with the principle of gratitude. If we train ourselves to feel grateful in life, then we are necessarily focusing on what is right. Although people often think that looking on the bright side is nothing more than feel-good optimism, it is usually quite reflective of reality. After all, if we write down all that we have to be grateful for in life, the list will be incredibly long. Therefore, gratitude actually paints a more realistic picture of our situation. This can prevent us from making terrible mistakes, such as abandoning a loving spouse or a promising career because we are too focused on the negatives to realize all that we have.
Numerous studies have demonstrated the benefits of regular gratitude practice, such as writing down 5 things a day to be grateful for. Such practices have been shown to increase happiness and to reduce depression. In addition to such things, we can also simply observe whether our thoughts predominantly focus on what is wrong, or on what is right. Do we spend more time complaining about our job, or rejoicing in it? Do we criticise or do we praise our spouse? Do we talk about what we want and desire in life, or do we comment on how grateful we are for all that we already have? Whatever our balance, it can usually be shifted in favour of the positive. Not only will this make us feel better, it will probably make our outlook more realistic as well.