Archive for Presence

Enjoyment

For what fraction of our lives are we enjoying ourselves? Is it 80%? 50%? 20%? Sadly, when we monitor our state of mind over the course of a day, we often find that the fraction is depressingly low. Even if we have very enviable lives, we may spend a rather small amount of time actually enjoying ourselves. In contrast, those with less fortunate lives may spend a high proportion of time enjoying themselves. What are the factors that stop us from enjoying ourselves, and how can we enjoy ourselves more?

There are two main factors that stop us from enjoying ourselves. The first is an active dislike of our current situation. This means that we find whatever we are doing to be distasteful, be it our regular day job, washing the dishes, or talking to an irritating colleague. If a high proportion of our days are spent doing activities that we actively dislike, then we have a problem. The solution may be to change jobs or trade responsibilities to make our days more enjoyable. In some cases, all that is needed is a simple change in attitude. For example, we may think that doing the dishes is a horrible task, but when we further reflect on it we realize that soaking our hands in warm water and gently scrubbing can actually be quite relaxing. Similarly, a boring job can be made more stimulating if we come up with creative challenges for ourselves to break the monotony.

The second factor that stops us from enjoying ourselves is when we pay very little attention to our current situation and instead become preoccupied in thought. For example, instead of enjoying a pleasant walk through the park on the way to work, we may be busy deciding what to cook for dinner, or how to spend the weekend, or whether to buy a new car. Instead of enjoying the present, we are plotting ways to enjoy the future. Clearly, this cycle is never-ending.

Hence, there are several things we can do to make our lives more enjoyable. First, we can stay with the present moment and thus enjoy that walk through the park, the coffee in the waiting room, or the gentle breeze on our face. Second, instead of actively disliking certain situations, we can learn to accept them and make the most of them. We can change our attitudes and realize that many inherently “bad” situations or tasks are actually quite relaxing. Third, we can look at our daily activities and discover what we do and don’t enjoy. Then, as much as possible, we can restructure and change our days to create a more satisfying life.

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Happiness, introspection, and thinking

How much time do we spend thinking about happiness? Is all of this thought worthwhile? Numerous studies have shown that happy people are those who are less introspective (see Lyubomurski and Lepper 1999, or Veenhoven 1988), suggesting that excessive reflection can lower our mood. We probably all know people who rarely reflect about deeper issues of life, spirituality, or happiness, and yet are the happiest people around. Does this mean that the best way to be happy is to stop thinking? Or is the causation the other way around? Perhaps introspection does not cause unhappiness, but rather, unhappiness causes introspection.

There are definitely problems with thinking too much. Almost every spiritual tradition speaks against this. Peace and happiness can only exist in the present moment, and thought takes us away from this place. We all recognize the negatives of being burdened with thought. Many of us set goals to “live in the moment”, and resolve to relax and be at peace. Ironically, although our ultimate goal is to be free of thought, we spend much time thinking about how to do this.

The natural way out seems to be to stop thinking altogether. We still think thoughts such as how to get our next meal, but we leave the deeper questions of life aside. However, this notion of giving up thought altogether is not only unrealistic, but it is also a cop-out. A cow has very few deep thoughts, but it is only a cow after all. Should we not strive to rise above this?

The answer lies not in giving up thought, but in changing the way we relate to thought. It is true, as the studies showed, that introspection may lead to unhappiness, but this is simply because we need training in the way that we reflect. We must think but without brooding, and we must recognize that our thoughts are not reality. There is a difference between being prepared for an earthquake or hurricane, and lying awake at night for fear that one will strike. Similarly, there is a difference between exploring ways to be happy and peaceful, and  constantly focusing on the idea that we have not yet achieved this happiness or peace. Thoughts are essentially a brainstorm: they represent all possibilities of which we can conceive; however, they do not arrive with some guarantee of authority. The thought that an earthquake might strike does not mean that this is a likely occurrence. A twinge of sadness does not mean that our life is ruined. We must relate to our thoughts as though we were searching the Internet – there is a lot of information there, but it is up to us to discriminate between what is false and what is true. It is up to us to decide where our attention should lie.

Therefore, returning to the initial question of happiness and introspection, the problem arises when our thinking focuses too much on what is wrong. This leads us to believe that we are unhappy – our thoughts become our reality. We must stop taking ourselves so seriously, we must stop taking our thoughts so seriously. If we do this, we can have the best of both worlds – we can think, but without being burdened by these thoughts. Our mind is no longer our master, but instead our greatest friend.

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