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When we think of virtue and good moral character, we think of words such as honesty, kindness, compassion, and generosity. An important virtue often excluded from this list is intelligence. Without intelligence, all the other virtues are diminished. Although being compassionate and generous is clearly important, equally important is understanding the effect that our actions will have. Without this, we may act with the best of intentions and yet cause nothing but harm. There are many example of this on both a personal and a global level.

It is very common to say that being a good person merely relies on having good intentions. This is not enough. We must go beyond this and recognize our moral imperative to actively develop our intelligence and understanding. This is the way to truly be of benefit to others. Compassion and kindness are far more powerful when combined with insight.

If a doctor kills his patient during surgery, we do not usually hold him responsible. Clearly we can only do the best that we know how. Nonetheless, there are expectations that we do have of the doctor, and we should similarly have these expectations of ourselves. The first is that we assume that the doctor knows his own limitations and does not attempt something beyond his capabilities (unless there is no other alternative). The second is that we assume that the doctor is always working to develop his skill. We expect him to regularly read the medical literature and to be up to date on the latest findings and technologies. Failure to do this would be a disservice to his patients.

We must have a similar attitude to our own dealings with others. First, if we wish to help others, we must clearly recognize the limitations of our understanding. For example, we should not advise someone in a situation about which we know nothing, because our well-meaning advice could have very negative effects. We would be irresponsible to advise a friend to end his or her marriage without first gaining a strong understanding of the situation. Second, like the doctor, we have a moral imperative to develop our skills in life. To truly help others, it is essential that we build up great insight into human nature, and into the natures of those around us. Only with this understanding can our compassion be really beneficial. Intelligence, insight, understanding: these virtues must not be ignored.

Love is not need, and the two should not be confused. The feeling that we need someone, along with the desire for that someone to need us, is harmful and must be replaced. A stable relationship is based on the mutual desire for the other to be happy. It is not based on the desire for the other to make us happy. This latter desire can never be fulfilled. The idea that someone else can make us happy, or that someone else can fill some void within us, is a red herring. We can only do this for ourselves.

Therefore, whenever we believe that we need someone, we must fight this belief. We must acknowledge that we do not in fact need them, and that if they were hit by a bus then we would still survive. Knowing that we can survive alone, and indeed that we can be happy alone, does not make our love any less. There is a big difference between knowing that we can be alone and actually wanting to be alone. If we drop need, it makes our love stronger. It means that we are with our partner because we love them and because we want to be with them, and not just because we need them. It also reduces the anxiety and fear that they will leave us, whether by choice or not.

Similarly, it is foolish to desire that our loved one need us. Such a desire arises out of fear. We may think that our sense of security is increased knowing that our partner cannot leave us because they need us. However, really, it is much more flattering to know that our partner is with us because he or she loves us. Although it might seem scary to think that our partner does not need us and could walk away at any time, we can also take immense reassurance in the fact that they choose not to.

Hence, we must always be careful to distinguish between love and need. Although they are often confused, they are very different. Love is an open and generous emotion based on genuine caring and compassion. It is unselfish and makes no demands. Need, on the other hand, is a constrictive and selfish feeling based predominantly on fear. True love cannot flourish alongside this feeling.