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Loneliness is a condition that affects most of us at some point in our lives. Some of us feel it daily, some of us sporadically, and some of us just in those difficult times. Regardless of how often it occurs, it does not have to be this way. There is no underlying aspect of human nature that makes loneliness inevitable. The total banishment of loneliness from our lives is quite achievable for all of us. All that is required is a good understanding of its causes, and some basic techniques to remedy it.

Loneliness results from a sense of lack. Usually, we make the mistake of believing that some specific condition is necessary to relieve it. Thus we have thoughts such as “I am lonely because I do not have friends”, “I am lonely because so-and-so doesn’t like me”, or “I am lonely because my husband doesn’t spend enough time with me”. The more that we focus on the perceived cause of our loneliness, the more that we amplify this sense of lack. For example, if we constantly focus on the fact that we do not have a partner, then we are constantly telling ourselves that something is missing. In this way, the loneliness is escalated. We make it seems like a bigger deal than it really is (see Don’t be afraid of loneliness).

Therefore, to combat loneliness we must remove this sense of lack. The simplest way to do this is to become aware of all of the other special relationships in our lives. By seeing all the different opportunities for closeness that are available, we fight the idea that one specific condition or person is required. We are also removing the sense of lack by focusing on all the closeness that we do have with people, and not on whatever is missing. This leads to a happier and more fulfilling life.

Every situation is an opportunity to learn, and difficult situations are usually the best. Remembering this fact improves our attitude in the face of adversity. Most of us are in the habit of viewing situations and events in terms of how they affect us. If we perceive that they are negative, focusing on how bad things are, then we are always discontent. However, if we ignore how we are personally affected and instead focus on what we can learn, then we cultivate a positive and proactive outlook. We begin to relish the challenges that life throws up, and develop an invincibility to hardship.

We need to be open-minded and creative in looking for ways in which a situation can teach us. There are countless ways to benefit, provided that we genuinely want to learn. Suppose that we have just been insulted. What can we learn from this? We could take the opportunity to practise being at peace - learning to soften that flare of anger or slump of sadness that usually follows an insult. We could also take the chance to feel compassion for the person who insulted us, trying to understand why they are upset and what insecurities they might be feeling that caused them to lash out. If the insult was in the form of criticism, then we could look for the grain of truth in whatever was said, and maybe even be grateful for the insight. There are many constructive ways to benefit from a so-called bad situation. The important thing is to forget our anger, sadness, and impatience, and to focus on improving ourselves rather than just resenting the situation.

A trick that may help with this is to make our goal becoming conscious rather than becoming happy. If our goal is to be happy, then any event that seems to thwart that is viewed as a setback. In contrast, if our goal is to be conscious then nothing can thwart us, because every situation in life provides an opportunity to be conscious, particularly the so-called bad ones. Furthermore, since becoming conscious will result in becoming happy anyway, this strategy really achieves both of the goals.

Hence, we should always try to learn from situations. Not only does this constructive attitude immediately cheer us up, it makes us better equipped to deal with difficult times in the future, and as a result, we become better, happier, more conscious people.