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Nothing in this world is permanent. We can observe this on all levels. On a universal level, stars form and collapse. On a global level, continents shift and climates change. On a personal level, we observe the decay of our body, changes to our mind, relationships coming and going, our possessions wearing out. We live in a world of constant flux. Unfortunately, many of us refuse to recognize this, and suffering is the result.

When we fail to acknowledge impermanence, we cling to things. We cling to our youth, to our health, to our relationships, and to our possessions. We cling to them as though they could provide lasting happiness, as though they will last forever. Eventually, reality intervenes. That to which we cling is taken from us, and we forced to face the truth of impermanence. Thus we have the pain of a stolen car, of an ended relationship, or the death of a loved one.

In actual fact, the pain associated with clinging arises even before these moments. The pain arises earlier in the form of fear. Deep down, we are already aware of impermanence. Therefore, if we cling to something that is temporary, we live in fear of the day when it is taken from us. We can have a much happier life if we instead realize and accept the impermanence of existence. We can see the futility of clinging to things, and instead learn to appreciate them while we have them, but without staking our happiness on them. This also helps us to make better decisions. When we understand that we will change, and that other people will change, then we can recognize when a fresh approach is needed.

The suffering that results from clinging to impermanence is not fun. Learning to acknowledge the impermanence of existing may seem scary, however it is actually liberating. In reality, we are just acknowledging something that we are already aware of anyway. When we bring it into the open, we realize that it is not so scary. We actually find that recognition of impermanence brings more lightness, acceptance, and joy into our lives, and that the fear and suffering go away.

The two factors I have found most important to a healthy self-esteem are honesty and compassion. These tools are far more effective than the traditional methods of praising and nurturing yourself. The value of honesty is that it ensures that we have nothing to hide. When we tell the truth to ourselves, and tell the truth to others about ourselves, we are affirming our self-acceptance. This is the single most important step in building self-esteem because low self-esteem comes from a refusal to accept our own qualities. In contrast, if we lie to ourselves or to others, then we are telling ourselves that we have something shameful to hide. Thus we are constantly afraid of being exposed. Ironically, it is often low self-esteem that causes us to lie in the first place. We must break this cycle by cultivating honesty at all times.

The second factor, compassion, is not meant in the sense of self-compassion (although that is also important). Rather, the teaching is that if we learn to help others and feel concern for others, we will also feel better about ourselves. The reasoning is straightforward: if we know that we are of benefit to others, we naturally feel more worthwhile, and this boosts our self-esteem. Compassion is also important for directing our attention away from ourselves, causing us to worry less about our own problems and to see the bigger picture more. By reducing self-absorption and self-centredness, we reduce the kind of thinking that can lead to a low self-esteem.

Therefore, if we suffer from low self-esteem, honesty and compassion are two qualities to focus on. As I discussed in this article, focusing too much on self-esteem can be dangerous. However, if our response to low self-esteem is not to dwell on it but to instead focus on developing honesty and compassion, then we are guaranteed to profit. After all, the benefits of honesty and compassion go well beyond an improvement of self-esteem.