Look to your own faults
There are two sides to every conflict. You can blame the other, or you can blame yourself. Although the blame is seldom equally split, and may be nearly entirely the other’s fault, it is useful to look for the part you played. You must have played some part, because I think it is safe to say that if you were fully enlightened, very few conflicts would occur.
This provides a great opportunity. When you experience conflict, you have been given an opportunity to see your own shortcomings. The conflict may not even be with a person - perhaps your leaking pipe has just flooded your kitchen - if you are upset, if you yell at your pipe, then you have helped bring about your own misery.
There is a Zen story of a man who searched for the most grouchy ill-tempered wife he could find. The idea was to reveal his weaknesses. While I would not go to that extreme, it is worth remembering…problems are opportunities, they are windows into our self. They are useful reminders and can be embraced as such. They need not be viewed as simply bad.
