Spiritual Inquiry . com

What do we worry about? Whether we will lose our job? Whether our spouse will leave us or cheat on us? Whether a loved one will fall ill and die? Why do we worry about such things? Do we worry because they are likely possibilities? Or is such worrying mere paranoia? In either case, how can we reduce this anxiety?

Like it or not, none of the events I have mentioned are unavoidable. We can certainly reduce the risk of their occurrence: if we work hard then our job is more secure; if we take care of ourselves then our health is better; if we put a lot of energy and love into our relationships then we are less likely to split from our spouse. All of these efforts will improve our lives and will lower our anxiety. However, if we are after some kind of 100% guarantee that nothing will go wrong, then we were born to the wrong species and we live on the wrong planet.

Ultimately, anything could happen. The only way to find security is to accept this. The root cause of our anxiety is attachment. We are attached to the idea that our happiness relies on financial stability, a secure relationship, and good health for ourselves and for those around us. Because none of these things can ever be guaranteed, we can never be rid of anxiety if we harbour such beliefs. We can only release anxiety if we accept that any of these things could be taken away from us, and that it does not matter if they are.

Thus, we must drop our attachments. We must ask what is really essential. If we answer this honestly, we will find that our happiness has more to do with who we are than with what happens to us. It is easy to become attached to an idea and to convince ourselves that we cannot be happy without it. However, this is ultimately a delusion, leading only to insecurity and anxiety. We must realize that none of these things are so important after all.

When we feel irritable, the mind is restless and dissatisfied: anger is never far from the surface. In this state, we react unreasonably to the slightest provocation, and our lives are generally miserable. Clearly it is important to deal with irritability and to stop it from arising. How do we do this?

Irritability arises when 1) we have some idea of the way that we think events ought to be happening, and 2) events are not happening that way. It is essentially a problem of not accepting situations, and to fix this problem we must learn to go with the flow and to take things as they come. As said by the Dalai Lama in The Art of Happiness, “If the situation or problem is such that it can be remedied, then there is no need to worry about it….Alternatively, if there is no way out, no solution, no possibility of resolution, then there is also no point in being worried about it, because you can’t do anything about it anyway.” This sound logic simply states that we must learn to accept whatever happens unless it can be changed. Furthermore, if it can be changed, we should focus on changing it rather than being irritable about it.

Why are we so bad at simply accepting unpleasant situations? For some reason, we have the mistaken belief that life can and should be perfect. This belief must be challenged. We need to realize that things will sometimes “go wrong” and that others will sometimes disagree with us. Life is not perfect. Just as sickness and death are an inevitable part of life, so are mistakes, disagreements, and all those other causes of irritation. If we want to accept imperfect situations, we need to realize that life was never meant to be perfect in the first place.

Thus, when we find ourselves becoming irritable, we must remember that life is imperfect and that we must accept whatever happens. Furthermore, we can question whether the situation really warrants such misery and agitation, and why we would want to spoil our mood for it. If we are still unable to dispel the irritability, a final option is to simply laugh. Laughing at life is a wonderful antidote to irritability that goes straight to the heart of the matter and recognizes that none of this is that big a deal. This realization is an important realization to make if we wish to lead a relaxed and peaceful life.