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Life can throw up many kinds of pain. There is guilt, felt when we cannot accept our own harmful actions. There is the hurt that we feel when a loved one wrongs us. There is the grief that arises when life throws us a bad hand, when things just don’t work out the way we want. All of these pains are hard to deal with, but in each case we must face up to them.

To grow in life, we must acknowledge and accept the mistakes we have made. No-one likes to feel guilt, and it can be tempting to deny that we are at fault. Often, we simply try not to think about what we did. Instead, we should have the courage to face up to our actions, and to be honest and open with ourselves. We must accept responsibility, apologize if appropriate, and make what amends we can. Most importantly, we must not beat ourselves up. We must take absolute responsibility and do all we can to not repeat our mistakes, yet we must also forgive ourselves. We must realize that we are not perfect, and that we can try again.

Similarly, we must accept that others are not perfect either. When a loved one hurts us, we can respond with either forgiveness or forgetfulness. In the latter, we wait until the pain has faded away, and we no longer think about it. This is essentially denial. In the former, we have the strength to acknowledge that we were hurt, but that it is OK and that we accept and forgive. This is the courageous route, and it yields great rewards.

Finally, some unfortunate incidents are nobody’s fault. The best that we can do is accept that such things happen, and once again, face the facts and come to terms with them. Pain, by its very definition, is hard to bear. However, facing it and acknowledging it is always better than hiding from it. When we face the facts, the pain soon passes. When we run, it simply follows.

The most peaceful moment in time is Now. No matter what is going through our heads, we can drop it all at any time, and rest in the Now. The way to do this is to simply be with the task at hand. When stressful, destructive, or upsetting thoughts arise, we release them, and return to whatever we are doing. In this way, resting the attention with an activity provides us with a holiday from our worries, and allows the mind to refresh and rejuvenate.

We all know that things are better after a good night’s sleep. The principle is that taking our mind off things makes us refreshed, relaxed, and able to deal with life positively. Resting the attention with an activity provides the same boost. If we have a fight with our partner and angry retorts and injustices are whirling around in our heads, a great thing to do is wash the dishes. As thoughts of the fight arise, we gently release them, and continue washing the dishes. Whatever issues that we had with our partner will still be there when we finish the dishes - we have plenty of time to deal with them. However, when we finish with the dishes, we may also find that some of those so-called important issues have faded away. Taking our mind off things for a while gives us a great deal more perspective, which almost always results in a more positive outlook.

We all have different activities that we find relaxing in life. Some of us like to go for a run. Others read a book. For some of us, the only time that we take our mind off things is in sleep, and even this may be plagued with dreams or insomnia. The good news is that with a little practice we can find almost anything relaxing. The trick is just to let the attention rest with it - whether it be leisure or work. Even the most unpleasant of tasks is refreshing when we do this.

Destructive emotions reside in the past and the future. When we feel sad or angry, it is not usually related to the task directly in front of us. Although it is definitely important to deal with issues in our life, and to give the mind time to wander and think creatively, it is also important that we can drop things when we choose to do so. During our morning shower, we may contemplate that fight with our partner, and think of how we would like things to be different. This is fine, but if such thoughts continue non-stop throughout the day, we quickly become worn out and irrational. Thinking must be controlled, and perspective must be maintained. The ability to drop thoughts and return to the present moment is one of the most important skills we can ever develop.