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When emotions arise within us, we naturally look for a cause. More often than not, we look for this cause externally. We assume that we feel sad because our friend is upset, or angry because a driver cut us off. We create some story that explains our emotion, linking a sequence of events to whatever we are feeling.

However, it is important to also consider the reverse possibility. What if the emotion arose of its own accord, and only then did we invent a story to explain it? For example, we naturally have times when we feel up and times when we feel down. During a down time, it would be easy to think of negative events that have happened, and to then convince ourselves that these events caused our depression. Thus, we build a story to explain the emotion, not realizing that it actually arose from within. This is a dangerous habit, because we obscure the true cause of the emotion, and thus can no longer deal with it effectively. It is especially harmful when we convince ourselves that it arose from something that someone else did, because this causes us to blame them unfairly.

Hence, when we feel sad, we should just feel sad. When we feel irritable, we should just feel irritable. We don’t have to make up some story around our emotions, nor do we need to invent some reason to explain why we feel a certain way. Most importantly, we should never blame someone else for making us feel that way. Accept emotions. Realize they come from within. Through this acceptance we find peace, and then the emotions will no longer seem so important anyway.

Every situation is an opportunity to learn, and difficult situations are usually the best. Remembering this fact improves our attitude in the face of adversity. Most of us are in the habit of viewing situations and events in terms of how they affect us. If we perceive that they are negative, focusing on how bad things are, then we are always discontent. However, if we ignore how we are personally affected and instead focus on what we can learn, then we cultivate a positive and proactive outlook. We begin to relish the challenges that life throws up, and develop an invincibility to hardship.

We need to be open-minded and creative in looking for ways in which a situation can teach us. There are countless ways to benefit, provided that we genuinely want to learn. Suppose that we have just been insulted. What can we learn from this? We could take the opportunity to practise being at peace – learning to soften that flare of anger or slump of sadness that usually follows an insult. We could also take the chance to feel compassion for the person who insulted us, trying to understand why they are upset and what insecurities they might be feeling that caused them to lash out. If the insult was in the form of criticism, then we could look for the grain of truth in whatever was said, and maybe even be grateful for the insight. There are many constructive ways to benefit from a so-called bad situation. The important thing is to forget our anger, sadness, and impatience, and to focus on improving ourselves rather than just resenting the situation.

A trick that may help with this is to make our goal becoming conscious rather than becoming happy. If our goal is to be happy, then any event that seems to thwart that is viewed as a setback. In contrast, if our goal is to be conscious then nothing can thwart us, because every situation in life provides an opportunity to be conscious, particularly the so-called bad ones. Furthermore, since becoming conscious will result in becoming happy anyway, this strategy really achieves both of the goals.

Hence, we should always try to learn from situations. Not only does this constructive attitude immediately cheer us up, it makes us better equipped to deal with difficult times in the future, and as a result, we become better, happier, more conscious people.